Stress is a natural part of life, a facet of our experience so deeply programmed that it connects us to our distant ancestors fleeing saber-tooth tigers. Some kinds can be useful, like that which prompts us to run from a big cat or spurs us to submit an assignment on time. Other times it’s less helpful, like the all-consuming kind of stress some feel when walking to a first date. Stress can be acute and short-acting; it can also weave itself into the fabric of our everyday lives. Self-care takes many forms, though some of the most effective target the root of what stress actually is — a physical experience caused by the release of two hormones, adrenaline and cortisol. With the help of somatic healing expert Andrea Glik, trainer Mar Keller, and massage therapist Rocco Foronda, we’ve compiled a guide for how to use your body to reduce stress.
Anchor yourself through breathwork strategies
One of the most foundational components of somatic healing, or the process of “understanding our experience and our feelings through our bodies,” Glik explains, is paying close attention to one’s breathing. There are all kinds of breathing techniques that can calm mind and body, though Glik suggests starting with a relatively simple form: box breathing. “Breathe in through the nose for four seconds, hold for another four, breathe out through the mouth for four, then hold again for four seconds,” she says. “When we are controlling our breath, we are activating our parasympathetic nervous system, which is the part of our nervous system that helps us calm down from stress and trauma. Being in control of our breath helps us be more in control of our emotions.”
Pinpoint where your discomfort lives in your body
Feeling stressed can be overwhelming. According to Glik, a great first step to reducing stress is locating it and understanding exactly how it’s affecting you. “If someone is like, ‘I feel stressed,’ that’s not really a good enough answer for your body,” she tells them. “Do you feel stressed because your heart is racing? Because your appetite is increased? Decreased? Because your palms are sweating? Because you don't want to get out of bed?” Identifying how stress is manifesting in your body, the therapist explains, creates an opportunity to create distance between you and what you feel. Once you can go from being stressed to feeling stress — in your chest, your palms, between your ears — you can begin to intervene.
Document your feelings of stress through journaling
Journaling presents an even more concrete means of untangling yourself from your physical feelings — a crucial step toward managing discomfort. What makes journaling an especially effective distancing method is that, unlike a passing observation, one’s journal entries are built to last; you can look back at older entries and chart your progress. More than an effective distancing tool, journaling can also act as a means of physical release, Glik explains, through the process of writing.
Build bodily awareness through stretching or visualization
Being able to locate where stress manifests physically requires a certain level of familiarity with one’s body. Gentle stretching, or even just picturing different parts of yourself in motion, Glik tells them., constitute useful means of increasing one’s knowledge of their different limbs, joints, appendages, muscles, and other body parts.
Try an at-home workout
Even light exercise reduces the body’s levels of stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol while elevating levels of endorphins, the body’s natural painkillers and mood elevators. For Mar Keller, founder of the body-positive, LGBTQ+-affirming gym Q Grit in New York City, the best stress-reduction workouts are those “done slowly and mindfully with a strong focus on breathing and core strengthening and stability.”
One of their favorite “fitness hacks,” they continue, is “using towels to slide on for bodyweight core circuits. I use towels under my hands or feet in a plank position and do things like sliding mountain climbers, knee to chest tucks, or something I like to call the ‘wax on/wax off’ plank.” Keller also notes that there are “many ways that people across the ability spectrum can incorporate some form of mindful movement and exercise as a means of reducing stress.” They continue: “For example, someone who might have issues performing a traditional squat can slowly lower themselves into a chair and stand back up repeatedly to perform a set of regressed squats. For someone with limited jumping abilities, jumping jacks can be done in a chair by spreading your legs and raising your arms over your head simultaneously, and repeating. Pushups can be done on elevated surfaces such as a kitchen counter or wall for folks who don’t feel comfy in a prone position on the floor.”
If you’re comfortable, try masturbating
Both through increasing mood-enhancing hormones such as dopamine, endorphins, and oxytocin and by helping reduce negative feelings around one’s body, masturbation is a proven method of reducing all kinds of stress. It can even help you explore your queerness.
Relax by giving yourself a massage
Whether on yourself or through the therapeutic touch of another, massage reduces stress by increasing blood flow, thereby increasing mood-lifting hormones such as endorphins and oxytocin throughout the body. For those without much experience with self-massage, Rocco Foronda, a massage therapist at the Oakland-based queer-affirming massage studio Bayan Roots, recommends three basic massage techniques: squeezing, brushing, and tapotement, or tapping. Rocco advises going slowly, increasing pressure as needed, and always trying to direct one’s squeezes, brushes, or taps toward the heart. “We never want to do strokes away from the heart because that goes against the veins or the venous system. Stroking toward the heart helps increase circulation,” they explain. Using a lotion or massage oil can help further increase circulation, though it’s not necessary.
If these basic techniques are working for you and you want to try something a little more advanced, Rocco suggests employing a tool like a foam roller or tennis ball. “Sitting down in a chair, you're going to take one foot and put it on the tennis ball and just roll it back and forth, forward and back from the ball of your foot to your heel. And then you can also, while lying on your back, you can place the tennis ball at the base of the skull — right at the top of the neck, where a lot of people experience tension. Then, letting your entire head and neck relax on the ball, you can shake your head no, yes, and no,” they say. “Another good area for the tennis ball is the side of spine. Lying down on your back or pressed up against a wall, standing up against the wall, you can place the ball back there and then lean into it. Then just relax into it, or move your body back and forth to release the tension through friction.”
More than just increasing circulation and releasing oxytocin, massage can also help reduce stress by providing occasions for reflection and the celebration of one’s body. As Rocco explains, massage is about not only the application of touch, but also the construction of a larger atmosphere of relaxation. “Another way that people reduce stress through self-massage is just to make it really special,” they tell them. “Try running yourself a bath beforehand, or taking a nice hot shower. Maybe dim the lights, light some candles, get your favorite oil out, and put on some nice music.” Set the mood. Little is more about you than giving yourself a massage.
If maintaining your focus through a half-hour self-massage sounds like a lot of work, that’s okay. “Don’t feel pressure if you get distracted. Even little chunks of massage here and there will help you get in touch with your body,” Rocco explains. “It's really hard for people to be in their bodies right now, so definitely try not to add any additional layers of stress on yourself by judging your self-care.”
How the coronavirus is changing queer lives
- Quarantining away from your partner? We asked therapists how to cope.
- These 15 films and shows will distract you and instill hope during the crisis.
- Our Queer Under Coronavirus series documents how the pandemic is changing LGBTQ+ lives.
- Tune into themfest, our ongoing virtual music and arts festival.
- How queer people are getting off while staying in.
- Sex workers tell us how they're adapting their services and seeking help.
- HIV crisis survivors on the pain of watching a pandemic response they never saw.
- 11 self-care tips, according to expert queer healers.
- Check out livestreaming performances, workshops, club nights, and more.
Get the best of what's queer. Sign up for our weekly newsletter here.
