Note: This discussion contains minor spoilers for Baldur’s Gate 3 romance plotlines.
Just how horny is Baldur’s Gate 3? One of my companions tried to sleep with me the very first time I set up camp. I was flattered, but I had just crash-landed a mind flayer airship after waking up with a parasite in my brain, so I wasn’t exactly in the mood to fool around with a stranger just yet. Since then, though, as I’ve grown more accustomed to having a tadpole swimming around in my grey matter, my erotic imagination has started to wander. Yes, I want to stop myself from turning into a tentacled monster, but more importantly, I need to figure out who I want to take to bed with me: The dark-haired goth Shadowheart? The fiery Karlach? Or maybe I’d rather have Gith warrior Lae’zel split me in two with her battle ax? Truth be told, even if developer Larian tries to slow my suitors’ roll with a patch, I’ll always be playing this game for the romance first, adventure second.
I’ve also been delighted to discover that this beloved RPG is a special treat for LGBTQ+ players, allowing us to court anyone who joins the main quest. This feature — sometimes referred to as being “playersexual” — is befitting of a game that closes very few doors in general. Based on Dungeons & Dragons tabletop rules, Baldur’s Gate 3 is all about exploration, improvisation, and expansive possibilities. You can do almost anything — and apparently, almost anyone, under the right circumstances. Maybe eventually I’ll stumble my way into advancing the central storyline but for now, I’m having too much fun rummaging around in the Underdark and chatting up all the hot people in the sleeping bags next to mine.
Now that Them staffers and contributors have had enough time to get deeper into the game, I assembled a brain trust comprised of myself, former senior news editor Mathew Rodriguez, and current senior news editor Sally Tamarkin to discuss our extracurricular Baldur’s Gate 3 activities. — Samantha Allen
Samantha Allen: OK, so first things first, who are you interested in? Or who have you already slept with? I’m currently courting Shadowheart. When she told me she was worshiping an evil deity called Shar, I was immediately like, “Praise Shar. I pledge allegiance to Shar.” But then Karlach started literally heating things up. I ignored every other quest on my plate to find some infernal iron that could fix her overheating mechanical heart. And all the while, some part of me has been thinking about Lae’zel, even though she seems totally consumed by her Githyanki duties; every time I walk up to her, she brusquely commands me to “speak” and I freeze up.
Mathew Rodriguez: So just for context, I am a half-Elf nonbinary druid with a vagina. My name is Tara, after the Buffy character. The first character I slept with was Astarion and it was [spoiler alert] after he bit me. I found the biting scene so sensual. I know you may think this is somehow related to my Buffy standom, but I was never really into that aspect of the show. The way Astarion sank his teeth into me was one of the hottest things I’ve ever seen depicted in a video game.
He suggested we sleep together the very next night and I had to say yes. I was so entranced by how the game had us have sex: Astarion, I believe, has a penis, and he hopped up on me and straddled me then spread his legs for me to top him! I was kind of amazed that the game allowed for such fluid displays of sex and sexuality. And it was hot AF.
SA: I just have to hop in and say that Astarion tried to bite me and I rolled to kill him in retaliation. My wimpy bard couldn’t muster much more than a stab to the abdomen and he ran away. But I guess one queer’s trash is another’s treasure! Sally, how about you?
Sally Tamarkin: Damn, Mathew, I am so into your Buffy tribute. That’s inspired! My character is a nonbinary gnome fighter whose name is Kendrew. I can’t remember which genitalia I chose so I’ll check and get back to you.
Something that is embarrassing for me to admit is that I have yet to romance a single companion even though I’ve put about 25 hours into the game. The problem is that I spent a while halfheartedly trying to romance Shadowheart but then decided to change direction. I was finding Shadowheart unappealingly earnest and self-serious but wasn’t intrigued by Lae’zel, Gale, or Astarion. So, eventually I was like “[sigh] OK, Shadowheart, show me that magical d20, girl.”
But then I met Karlach! No tragically emo backstory. A tough broad. An asymmetrical tattered leather top (as in the shirt but TBH, also probably the other kind). A mighty warrior with a smart mouth who dances when her character idles. What’s not to like?! But for as horny as this game allegedly is, I have no idea how to get things started with her. I feel like an awkward teen in a sex education video. Why won’t she notice me??!
Oh, I just checked: vagina.
SA: So, I might be in a bit of trouble. I’ve been flirting with Karlach as we’ve been having this discussion for Them. Last night, she told me, “Gods, I want to ride you ’til I see stars,” and I was like, “Sounds good, babe, let’s just get that mechanical heart of yours cooled down so I can touch you without spontaneously combusting.” But then Shadowheart invited me to an overlook to drink wine, have some deep conversation, and, well… we did some stuff. It was very dykey in a sad, weepy kind of way that was right up my alley. I’m not sure how Baldur’s Gate 3 feels about polyamory yet, but I’m potentially headed toward some triangulated drama.
One thing I noticed, though, was when Karlach asked me what I would do to her if I could, most of my potential responses sounded super … gay? I could say things like, “I’d take your hand in mine,” or “I’d start by tracing every curve of your body with my fingertips,” or “I’d kiss you for as long as you’d let me.” I know theoretically all of these romantic options are built for straight people, too, but that’s very sapphic language, no? Do you think RPG writers are getting better at writing chaotically pansexual romance options that are believable no matter the gender of your player? Or is everybody just getting gayer across the board?
MR: Well, it’s interesting to ponder the idea that they might have to write dialogue that disregards genitals and focuses solely on sensuality in order to accommodate interactions between a variety of gender identities that users can choose for their avatars. It's sort of like queerness as a byproduct, which is an interesting way to describe sexuality that evolves beyond penis-in-vagina, or even insertive partner / receptive partner. Though, a Karlach riding sounds like a romp absolutely no one would survive.
ST: God, Mathew, I couldn’t agree more. What the hell is the saving throw for a roll in the hay with Karlach? Dungeons and Dragons game designers simply could never.
Samantha, it’s interesting that you call that language “sapphic.” To me it sounds like a kind of gently sensual dialogue that is romantic but trying to not be erotic, per se. Now that I type that out, though, maybe that’s what it looks like for something to be sapphic-coded: romance-first, plenty of longing, not overtly sexual? As you know from my entry above, I haven’t seen any romance dialogue so I was interested to see what it looks like for a Tav to flirt with Karlach. Now I’m curious: I wonder if your flirty dialogue changes depending on who you’re romancing. If you end up committing to Shadowheart, tell us if your Tav’s pillow talk is more befitting of someone trying to bed a pious follower of Shar.
SA: Yes, maybe I’m outing myself as someone who prefers the chase to the outcome. I’m just a big gay dog who wouldn’t know what to do with the car if I caught it. From that perspective, maybe I should never actually fix Karlach’s fiery heart. I can just keep teasing her forever, reciting lesbian poetry, but never actually holding her hand.
And yes, Mathew, that’s a brilliant point. I think there have been earlier “playersexual” games that have felt more like they wrote straight relationships and then decided to turn the gay toggle on after the fact. Baldur’s Gate 3 feels queerer from the jump in that the relationships seem to be written with that flexibility explicitly in mind. Besides, who am I to say that a straight cis dude barbarian couldn’t want to “trace every curve” of Karlach’s body?
MR: All this talk kind of begs the question for me: How can the queer sex and queerness in Baldur’s Gate be made even more explicitly queer? (For those reading, this isn’t to criticize the sex in BG3, but more as an exercise of imagination.) For instance, I’d love it if you were able to use the “Hide” action as a way to cruise or even if there was a gay tiefling bathhouse as a place to start a fight! Imagine if there was a half-orc Bette Midler accompanied by an Elven Rod Stewart at the piano while all the tieflings walked around in their bathrobes!
SA: As a lesbian bard, I would very much like to be able to participate in the time-honored tradition of making a playlist for my crush. Let me give Shadowheart a collection of my favorite lute tracks, you cowards. Also, there should be a third sub-category of equipment on your character sheet: your combat gear, your casual camp clothing, and then your more intimate attire. I’m talking about chain mail strap-on harnesses, to be clear.
ST: I absolutely need to be able to take Karlach on a date to a burlesque show in the Underdark! @larianstudios!!!
To your question, Mathew, one thing I’ve been reading about are the complexities of romancing multiple companions. I guess [REDACTED] is the only companion who is OK with polyamory, which means that if you want to romance multiple characters — and one of them is not [REDACTED] — you have to end one romance before beginning the next. This is all according to my sources (a.k.a. people who post on r/BaldursGate3). I can’t imagine the game design that would be required to allow the romancing of multiple companions at once but parties that polycule together remove tadpoles together, so what are we waiting for?!
Also, can companions romance one another? Like, imagine the mess that would ensue if Karlach could leave your Tav to pursue Wyll or if Astarion and Gale could hook up. I guess what I am saying is that if this game wants to be more explicitly queer, it needs explicitly more mess.
MR: I have seen videos online of companions romancing one another, though, to be honest, those could also be videos of people using one of the Origin characters on a playthrough, so maybe I’m incorrect. But either way, I think that Baldur’s Gate 3 is a proof of concept when it comes to the queering of sex in games; it can and should absolutely be done. You know, I’ve been thinking so much about the dudebro who got angry that Starfield included an option for pronouns in a literal game that’s about outer space. I’m often disheartened by gamers who can accept the fantasy of fictional worlds but not the reality that real-life phenomena like sex and gender can be so much more varied than they’ve given proper thought. With Baldur’s Gate, I see a game where Larian has made something that is both truly fantastical and yet extremely reflective of the realities of sex among all types of people — and horny Elves.
SA: I would indeed like to see my camp become the polycule that spreads to consume all of Seattle Baldur’s Gate . But maybe not even Larian has the ability to map that out. We need the world’s computers to stop mining cryptocurrency and start working on depicting the complexities of queerness. Like, try to keep up with us! Thank you, both, for having this discussion. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m deep inside the goblin camp and I’ve got to figure out how to free a talking bear.
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