If you’ve ever been triggered, you know the warning signs. You might hear or see something that reminds you of a traumatic experience, and your heart might start racing, your breath could quicken, your vision could sharpen, or you might begin to feel sad, mad, or unsafe in your current environment. It can be hard to navigate your way through this state, and removing yourself physically may not always be an option. But one thing you can always do is ground yourself by balancing your physical energy, thoughts, and emotions, so you feel centered and safe in the moment.
For those who have experienced trauma, emotional triggers can reignite the emotions and sensations of being traumatized again no matter where you are. And while there are a number of ways to deal with being triggered — including through therapy or other professional mental health help, journaling, finding boundaries with people or places who might cause them, and more — grounding yourself in the moment can alleviate distress and get you out of a distressing situation sooner.
Grounding yourself can help you stay in the present moment, organize your thoughts, pull back from unwanted flashbacks, and more. It’s an important tool in the toolkit we can use to manage trauma in healthy ways throughout our lives — and one you can practice anywhere and at any time.
To better understand how to identify a trigger and ways to stay present when they happen, we spoke with three therapists below, who gave us expert techniques and tricks to try the next time you’re experiencing one. From physical techniques to ways to ask your friends for help, read on to get expert insight on what to do when you’re triggered.
What is a trigger?
A trigger can be anything that involuntarily reminds you of a past traumatic event, often causing a distressing fight or flight response. The trigger itself can range from smells and sounds to seeing people make sudden movements, running into someone who reminds you of past trauma, or more. “This ability to perceive safety or danger without explicit awareness is called ‘neuroception’ and it is something we need for our own survival,” says Rachel Harlich, a psychotherapist specializing in LGBTQ+ issues. Harlich says traumatized individuals are much more likely to experience nervous system overwhelm because their “window of tolerance,” or their capacity to tolerate triggers, is much smaller than individuals without significant trauma.
It’s helpful to divide our thinking about triggers into two different kinds: internal and external. If you experience an internal trigger, this can mean you’re experiencing something within you that reminds you of past trauma, like an emotion or memory; for example, if you get anxious before an exam, this might trigger you to think about how an abusive ex-partner made you anxious. When you experience an external trigger, this means you’ve encountered an external, environmental reminder of past trauma, such as a smell, sound, or specific date.
Being triggered is different from being activated, says Mychelle Williams, a queer licensed counselor and the founder of the Washington, D.C.-based practice Therapy to a Tea. If someone becomes activated, they enter a fight-or-flight state. “In that state, you become more defensive, irritable, angry, or frantic. You can also become more people-pleasing or peacemaking,” Williams says. “Essentially, your nervous system is detecting information that might be a threat or danger to your physical or emotional safety.” While a situation, person, sensory, or internal experience can activate you and overwhelm your nervous system, it is not a trigger unless it brings you back to a past event.
How do you identify a trigger?
“I like to conceptualize triggers as landmines; we didn’t put them there and neither did the immediate circumstance that put you into this triggered state,” says Harlich. “When one gets stepped on, often nobody sees it coming, nor may anyone even know what landmine was stepped on.”
You can recognize a trigger based on how your body feels. “First, assess your own state,” Harlich says, with an eye towards whether you feel over- or underaroused. “Hyperarousal can look like anxiety, nervousness, fear, anger, irritability, or an inability to slow down or stop. Hypoarousal might look like depression, feeling shut down, sadness, dissociation, or hopelessness,” explains Harlich. Next, think about what may have brought you there. If it is a consistently specific sight, smell, or situation, chances are this is your trigger.
Before a trigger manifests in a physical response, you can assess how severely it will impact you. Your window of tolerance, or capacity for emotional tolerance, can help you evaluate your limit so you can identify when a situation is surpassing it. “When you’re in an emotionally comfortable regulated space, you are in what’s called your ‘optimum window of tolerance,’” says Chris Grant, a queer integrative counselor and psychotherapist. “But when you are feeling dysregulated or outside of your comfortable window of tolerance, this could mean you have been triggered by something. The more environmental stressors and intersectional barriers you face, the smaller your window of tolerance will be.”
How do I ground myself when I’m triggered?
While you can’t always avoid a trigger, you can change the way you respond to them. The following techniques can help you calm your mind, body, and spirit so you can take control of the situation and bring yourself back to the present moment.
Williams says you can be proactive by identifying your options before you head into an unfamiliar environment. If you’re at a party where you don’t know a lot of people, you can ask a friend for their car keys, in case you need to take a second to step out. You can also identify where the bathrooms are and take a walk when you get triggered or overwhelmed. “If you need to step away, share your location with your friends and take a moment to yourself,” they say.
Harlich recommends trying to ground yourself by literally connecting with the ground and your physical senses. “My favorite practice for this is to connect with our feet on the floor and slowly move from the heels through the arch to the ball and then each toe, taking time to savor each connection to the ground,” Harlich says. “Squeeze each toe into the ground and release one by one; notice the felt difference between tension and release.”
The 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique is an exercise that activates your five senses. When you’re triggered, “you’re not in the moment,” Williams says. “You have to orient yourself to where you’re at so you can return to the present moment.” In this exercise, you look for “five things you can see, four things you can hear, three things you can touch, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste,” they tell Them.
According to the Wim Haf Method, dipping your face in cold water, or immersing your body in icy water, can activate the parasympathetic branch of the nervous system, which slows down your heart rate and soothes inflammation after a stressful event. “Try splashing cold water on your face for 10 or more seconds,” Grant suggests. “You can also find an open window or hold on to an ice cube,” Williams adds.
Harlich recommends that people come up with an emotional safeword in their intimate personal relationships for when they’re feeling triggered. “A red-yellow-green system can help folks name for themselves and others when they are feeling more dysregulation coming on (yellow) or when they’re full-blown triggered (red),” Harlich says. “When red is called, folks have to stop and separate — that’s very important. Nothing productive will come when someone’s in that red state.”
“Do something that physically stimulates and moves you out of that space,” Grant shares. “Exercise is a key one here. Although you may not feel like it, it will help to realign your nervous system with your body.” Moving your body can help pull you into the present moment, but if you’re not in a place where you can exercise — say you’re triggered at a friend’s get-together — you can excuse yourself to the bathroom and do some simple stretches. Try holding the Warrior II pose, which will help you find physical and emotional stability.
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