Scissoring might just be one of the most mythical sex acts of them all, one that is as iconic as it is controversial.
For those who are unfamiliar, scissoring is a way of having sex that’s commonly associated with queer women, where partners rub their genitals together to achieve pleasure or orgasm. While partaking in the sex act itself isn’t contentious, the lore around scissoring is.
Scissoring is often more closely associated with straight-catered porn than actual queer sex, which has led to confusion surrounding whether or not the sex act is real. While there are much better queer porn options now, that hasn’t always been the case. Because scissoring figures so prominently in porn that caters to straight people, some people believe things like “real lesbians don’t actually scissor.” On the other hand, there are some who think that scissoring is the main or only way queer women have sex, another myth perpetuated by porn.
All of this confusion has taken away from scissoring being exactly what it is — one of the many ways that anyone can have sex if they choose. And scissoring itself is more nuanced than the assumed idea of “lesbian scissoring” — it can span various genders, sexualities, and more.
This makes scissoring that much more important. It allows us to challenge the idea that penetrative sex is the only valid form of sex and allows everyone to rethink what pleasure feels like for them. Most importantly, the confusion surrounding scissoring can remind us that there is no one-size-fits-all statement we can make about queer sex.
Scissoring can be pleasurable, it can be fun, it can be a little silly, and it can also not be your thing. Exploring what works for you and what doesn’t is something every queer person should do, but experimenting with scissoring may feel daunting. What does scissoring really mean? How does scissoring work, and who can do it? We consulted queer sexperts and educators Irma Garcia and Mx. Sizzle to answer those questions and more below.
What is scissoring?
“Scissoring refers to a sexual position where two people, usually with vulvas, are facing each other and interlock their legs in a scissor-like position while rubbing their genitalia together,” says Irma Garcia, a queer certified sex educator. For many folks with vulvas, this can allow for direct clitoral stimulation. Mx. Sizzle, a queer sex educator, also notes that anyone, of any gender and with any genitals, can scissor. Ultimately, scissoring is just about genital to genital stimulation, so anyone interested in doing so can scissor.
What is the difference between scissoring and tribbing?
Though you might be unfamiliar with the term tribadism (or tribbing), it might be something you already do. Mx. Sizzle defines tribbing as the “act of rubbing genitals on any part of another person’s body to stimulate arousal or orgasm.” You can think of it as another form of grinding, explains Garcia; a common example is when someone rubs their genitals on another person’s thigh for pleasure. Tribbing is an umbrella term, while scissoring is a type of tribadism that specifically refers to when genitals make contact with each other.
What are some common myths about scissoring?
It's no surprise that misconceptions and confusion are rife when it comes to scissoring, including about whether scissoring is real, who does it, and more. There are even entire podcasts named after the allegation that “scissoring isn’t a thing.” Let’s bust some of those myths below:
As Mx. Sizzle highlighted above, there are a lot of assumptions around who can scissor. The act is heavily associated with cis lesbians, but in reality, “anyone of any gender who enjoys genital to genital friction can scissor and find enjoyment from doing so,” as Mx. Sizzle says. Genital-to-genital contact can be incredibly sensual and intimate for anybody.
“Cis men can scissor, trans men can scissor, cis women can scissor, trans women can scissor — the entire spectrum of non-binary and abinary folks can scissor too,” they tell Them.
Scissoring is often misconstrued as a myth, or something that queer people don’t actually do. That’s false. Many queer people enjoy scissoring, and it is indeed real sex. “Any sex act, regardless of penetration, is sex,” as Mx. Sizzle puts it, and it’s important that we refute a definition of sex that only centers on penetration. Scissoring is very much real, is a legitimate sex act, and something many queer people actively enjoy.
Many may assume that due to a lack of penetration, scissoring is free from the risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) — but both of our sexperts say that’s untrue. “Just like any sexual activity, there are potential risks associated with scissoring, such as the risk of skin irritation or the transmission of STIs,” Garcia says. Genital contact with another person always runs the risk of STI transmission. Using barriers like dental dams or latex undies, as well as regular STI testing and discussing your STI status, can be a great way to incorporate safer sex practices into scissoring.
While videos of scissoring may make it appear easy or effortless, this isn’t necessarily the case. “Scissoring, like any sexual activity, requires experimentation, communication, and finding the right positions to make it pleasurable. What's pleasurable can vary greatly from person to person,” Garcia says.
Mx. Sizzle says that because people vary in terms of shape, size, and ability level, acts should be modified to what works for you and your partner(s). Ultimately, having pleasurable experiences requires discussing safety, desires, boundaries, preferences, and more.
How do you scissor?
Like all sex, scissoring takes communication with your partner(s), finding a position that works for you, and some planning. Not all scissoring methods are going to work for you — and that’s ok! If you need some inspiration to get you started, both of our sexperts compiled a list of quick tips on how to scissor with someone.
- Consent is key. Make sure you start by obtaining enthusiastic consent and having conversations around desires and boundaries
- Find your position. Overall, you are trying to find a comfortable position that creates pleasurable genital-to-genital contact; that can vary from person to person. Finding what works with a given partner may also take time. For some, one partner lying on their back with their legs bent and spread while the other sits sideways works best. Others say lying side-by-side with their legs bent at the knee as they grind feels best. People can also try facing each other comfortably while sitting, or even laying feet to feet and moving down until genitals meet — there are plenty of positions to explore.
- Explore what feels good. And have fun with it! Try to find a rhythm and motion that is pleasurable for both parties while remembering to let yourself fall into the sensation, relax, and enjoy.
- Try out lube. Lube can also be a great way to enhance comfort and reduce skin irritation, Garcia says.
Get the best of what’s queer. Sign up for Them’s weekly newsletter here.
