What is Tribbing? Everything You Need to Know About The Underrated Sex Position

There I was, kissing and caressing this mami, and the next thing I know we’re butt ass naked. Typical. Maybe it was that her cat liked me, or maybe it was the hours we spent dancing to Bozito’s DJ set, holding each other in the hot Miami air. Whatever the gay reason, our legs intertwined and we went to town. That night, I discovered how versatile tribbing could be. Tribadism, or rubbing your genitals on your partner’s body, is one of many creative ways to explore pleasure without penetration and engage other erogenous zones instead.

If there’s anything I’ve learned in my many years being a queer ho, it’s that there are endless possibilities when it comes to sex. The specific act of scissoring often draws all the attention (and some controversy) — when it comes to non-penetrative queer sex, but the broader umbrella term of tribbing is not limited to direct genital-to-genital contact; grinding on legs, arms, and other body parts are all included under the umbrella! I may have spent the rest of my love affair with that Miami mami listening to Chappell Roan’s entire discography — bi sigh —but I can certainly say that us queer folks know how to cook it up in the bedroom, and that we should never limit ourselves to one way of doing things.

That being said, any sex act you don’t have experience with can feel daunting at first — and that’s OK! That’s why we spoke to queer sex experts about your most common questions: What is tribbing? How do you trib with someone? What’s the difference between tribbing and scissoring? Who can trib?

Below, find everything you need to know about this beautiful form of friction.

“Tribbing or tribadism is one of many ways anyone can engage in sexual intimacy,” says Doriangel Fuchs, a somatic psychotherapist and the owner of Therapy Paradise, noting that “the rubbing of vulvas,” as she defines it, has often been associated with sapphic or lesbian pleasure.

However, vulva-to-vulva contact is not required for tribbing. “While it’s important to honor the queer history of tribbing, I think it’s worthwhile to queer the term further,” says queer therapist Laura “Lo” Wesely, LCSW. Tribadism has a long history, and though its definitions vary, it has been expanded over the years to encompass a wider form of queer contact. “Tribbing is the rubbing of genitals. It doesn’t matter whether that’s against a leg, an arm, or even a penis — it’s still tribbing,” Fuchs clarifies.

Tribbing with someone can be like any other sex act in the sense that consent, communication, and trial and error are all part of the process. While everyone will have their own flavor of tribbing, these basic tips can help you set the mood and know what to expect ahead of time:

1. Ask for and receive consent. This applies to any sexual act and experience. Making sure there is clear communication around consent for all is crucial. You can’t begin to think about the next steps without meeting this first one clearly and enthusiastically.
2. Talk about STI protection. Putting your own safety and other people’s safety at the forefront is sexy. Consider it a part of foreplay. Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) can still be transmitted through tribbing so it’s important to communicate with partners and get checked for STI’s regularly. “Skin-to-skin contact and the exchange of bodily fluids during genital-to-genital rubbing specifically, can spread infections such as herpes, human papillomavirus (HPV), and syphilis. It’s always important to practice safe sex, communicate, and take precautions such as using barriers like dental dams, to reduce the risk of STI transmission,” Fuchs says.
3. Get things flowing. Tribbing tends to feel most pleasurable when there’s lubrication. You can spend some time engaging in other sensual/sexual acts and positions that you and your partner enjoy, but consider using lube to make things more comfortable. Just make sure that the lube won’t cause issues if you’re using a barrier like a dental dam. (An important note: when used correctly, dental dams can reduce the risk of STIs.)
4. Consider different bodies and needs. Lesbihonest, for those of us who were blessed with a thick pussy, tribbing might feel intimidating, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try! Exploring different positions can be a fun and sexy way to find what’s pleasurable for you and your partners. “Sexual practices and preferences vary widely,” says Fuchs.“I encourage people to explore and find what suits their bodies and desires in ways that work for them.”
5. Communication is key. Being able to express and share what feels good and doesn't feel good to your partner is important when engaging in any sexual experience. “Maintain a sense of humor when things feel awkward or new, and when trying to arrange your bodies,” says Wesely. Leaning into joy and laughter can take the pressure off of getting tribbing “right.”
6. Relax and focus on pleasure — not the outcome. “Tribbing can be an opportunity to learn about our bodies, our limits, our pressure and pleasure points, and our sexual boundaries,” says Fuchs. Sometimes the expectation of orgasm can take the fun out of sexually connecting with a partner. “If it feels good, see how long it can feel good without any expectations of climax,” adds Wesely. “Breathe into your belly to connect to your bodies. Work together with your partner to find creative ways to feel pleasured with each other. If it doesn’t feel good, change positions or stop.”

What Is Scissoring? Everything You Need to Know About the Iconic Sex Position

Queer sexperts answer your most commonly asked questions about scissoring.

As noted above, you can think of tribadism as an umbrella that encompasses scissoring — and it’s definitely important to remember that they’re not synonyms, no matter how people use the terms colloquially. “Scissoring” is a more familiar word, used to describe a sex position often associated with lesbian sex. And while we can factor in the fact that porn aimed at cishet men may have inflated its perceived frequency in our communities, that doesn’t mean queer people don’t engage in scissoring or enjoy it. Still, it’s only a sliver of what tribbing can be.

Tribbing may be the less frequently spoken aloud, but it’s a more expansive term that refers to the rubbing of genitals on any part of the body. You can trib on legs, arms, torsos, and even your partner’s face — basically anywhere you can rub your junk that you and your boo find hot. Even if you’re doing genital-to-genital contact, you don’t need two vulvas involved to trib; people with any and all genitals can participate.

“There’s a common but unnecessary limitation in popular discourse that states that tribbing can only be done by cis women, or that it necessarily means genital-to-genital contact, but that isn’t the case,” Wesely says.

One of the great things about tribbing is that anyone can do it! “Tribbing offers alternatives for those who don’t have or want to have penetrative sex,” says Fuchs. It also encourages us to stay curious about queer sex. “Tribbing is for every body, including trans bodies, fat bodies, and disabled bodies,” says Wesely. “Many bodies aren't able to connect genital to genital, but can still engage in tribbing.” The key is that the position is meant to invite exploration and pleasure, regardless of gender and sexuality.

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